Strokin'

Clarence Carter made it famous.
Two Trannies make it sultry yet seductively silly.


If you know you're gonna be strokin' hard and long, you have to prepare yourself like a prize fighter. Professionals like Two Trannies can stroke all night long because we've trained for years and we have developed our own unique ways of staying hard at work.

Safety first, protect yourself!
Two Trannies wrap our units with masking tape. Although duct tape is a tranny's best friend, we don't use it when we're strokin' because the friction makes it become a hot, sticky mess. Imagine having to use lacquer thinner or a pumice stone to clean up your members. We'd rather not.

Using masking tape to prepare yourself for hours of strokin' may sound sort of stupid but trust me, it lasts a lot longer than your typical Trojan. It's less expensive, too.
Yes, after continuous use, the tape will wear through. Just stop for a second and patch the hole with more tape. Keep checking for holes because just like Trojans, the tape can break and you wouldn't know it until it is too late. This situation leaves your flesh totally unprotected and if you continue vigorously strokin' with your meat exposed, you will rub it raw and possibly even suffer burns from the friction. Be careful not to stroke too fast (see Mr Carter's note about this below) because that can cause burns, too.

We could fill many pages writing about strokin' but we don't want to bore you. Well, not in that particular way...

Here are a few tips (other than wrapping your fingers with masking tape when sanding by hand) to make your sanding job easier.

Sanding works to smooth a surface by scratching it. Sounds kinda silly but that's how it works. Scratches are removed with finer and finer scratches. Eventually all the scratches are removed and the surface becomes polished and/or burnished. That's fine for metal or for wood that will receive a clear finish but wood that has been polished will resist pigmented stains. Fortunately there are dye stains which do not need fine scratches and open pores to gather in as a pigment does.

Sanding takes as long as it takes. You can't really rush it but understanding how sandpaper works will help you avoid wasting time. Sandpaper loses it's aggressive cutting action quickly then cuts moderately well for a long time. The only problem with over using it is that a few sharp grains remain to cut ugly swirls when using an orbital sander.

Loading up - when sandpaper gets wood fibers, dust and pitch stuck between it's grains, even if they are still sharp, they cannot cut effectively. Rather, the combination acts more like a polisher, except that there are always those rogue grains that stick out past the buildup and cut swirls. Tap out or blow off the buildup with compressed air to reveal more cutting grains which will yield a more uniform scratch pattern.

When switching from a coarse grit to a finer one (never skip more than two grit grades) make sure you clean both your work area and the piece you're sanding. Left over grit dulls your fresh sandpaper and may cause an uneven scratch pattern.


Aunt May invented a strokin' machine several years ago but as it is not patented yet, it will have to remain her trade secret. We can tell you that the machine works even better than expected. It is a delight to use and it never gets tired. The machine was used to sand the 'piercings' of this 2" thick mahogany panel.

Clarence Carter - Strokin'

When I start makin' love I don't just make love... I be strokin'
That's what I be doin', huh
I be strokin'
I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin'
Let me ask you somethin'...
What time of the day do you like to make love
Have you ever made love just before breakfast
Have you ever made love while you watched the late, late show
Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on a couch
Well, let me ask you this
Have you ever made love on the back seat of a car
I remember one time I made love on the back seat of a car
And the police came and shined his light on me, and I said:
I'm strokin', that's what I'm doin', I be strokin'
I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best
I be strokin'
Let me ask you something...
How long has it been since you made love, huh?
Did you make love yesterday
Did you make love last week
Did you make love last year
Or maybe it might be that you plannin' on makin' love tonight
But just remember, when you start making love
You make it hard, long, soft, short
And be strokin'
I be strokin'
I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best, huh
I be strokin'
Now when I start making love to my woman
I don't stop until I know she's sas-ified
And I can always tell when she gets sas-ified
'Cause when she gets sas-fied she start calling my name
She'd say: 'Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter, Clarence Carter
Clarence Carter, ooooh shit, Clarence Carter'
The other night I was strokin' my woman
And it got so good to her, you know what she told me
Let me tell you what she told me, she said:
'Stroke it Clarence Carter, but don't stroke so fast
If my stuff ain't tight enough, you can stick it up my...' WOO!
I be strokin' Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
I be strokin'
I stroke it to the east
And I stroke it to the west
And I stroke it to the woman that I love the best, huh
I be strokin'
I be strokin' Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
I be strokin', Yeah!
I be strokin'
I stroke it to the north
I stroke it to the south
I stroke it everywhere
I even stroke it with my... Woo!
I be strokin'
I be strokin' Ha! Ha!
I be strokin'